reflections.

this is my 2010 review. best blog of the year. aaaand my last blog on here. now that im switching. i guess if anyone is reading this still and wants the address of the new blog let me know.

so i suppose ill break this up into a few parts. work. relationships. play. i hope i can remember everything. i highly doubt it though.

lets start with work. started off the year movin up to salary. had 3 products ready to launch and they all just kind of... didnt. but. i think since the beginning of the year ive gotten to do alot more. i got a corporate card. a laptop. an i phone. and my hands into more things. aaaaaaaaaaaaand all the traveling. so let me see if i can remember all that.

um. kansas for a week. the tortilla class. that was a neat lil college town. it was freezing and there was snow on the ground all week. kansas state is a very pretty school. much like a castle. i dont remember the food really being that great.

aaand there was texas twice. where we go is right on the oklahoma border an hour above dallas. that place is really different. middle of nowhere. first production plant ive been in that didnt have hispanic people running the lines. so that was odd for me. had a couple decent times at the casino up there. no big wins.

phoenix. i hate arizona. i really do. why anyone would want to live there is beyond me. but. i remember that being a decent time. got to see the kids from school there. had dinner at the top of a building a spinning restaurant. had our table right next to "the other". then went down stairs for drinks and got plastered. haha. had a dinner that was practically three hours or some crazy shit like that. and it was horrible. except for the soup. which i remember being the best ever. it was asparagus and something soup. i think.

chicago. chicago twice. first time sucked cuz i wasnt in the city and i was sick. oh and i got cussed at by the tollbooth guy for not having change. haha. the second time was much better. yet much worse. oi. cubs game. wrigley field. nice. it was sooo fuckin hot and humid. ugh. the l train was horrible. fuck that crammed mess. girl and the goat dinner. awesome. best dinner of my life. lots of fighting. free spending spree at williams and sonoma. navy pier. food poisoning. amazing pizza and yogurt. lots of wandering. white castle. drinks atop the john hancock building. memories. oh. missed our damn flight on the way back. got home 10 hours later or some shit. that sucked. fuck o hare airport. thats all i know.

la a few times for work. watched game 7 of the finals at the hotel bar. la vs boston. that was a long drunk night. over 200 bills at the bar. all u can eat sushi place left me full. foie gras sushi. the coffee bean. downtown pasadena.

cooked sonic and del taco headquarters. neat.

wisconsin. cold cold cold. but private jet on the way down. fancy ass shit. the food there was really good. then of course there was the jenkins drunk incident. beer was good. no fences in yards. odd. but pretty in a different way.

oklahoma city. loved the downtown. nba basketball game. left our bags in the taxi. had a hotel room the size of three rooms. decent food there too.

atlanta. long days there. but free stuff at nacs is fun. the food was ok. didnt get to see much of the city so i wasnt happy about that. but. had one good night at the bar with luis. HURTING the next morning. but survived. i was exhausted by the time we were done.

wow thats alot. i think that was everything.

relationships. oh boy.

well im not gonna say anything bad about anybody. thats not my style. so.

spent most of the year with sara. that was over 2 1/2 years on and off a lot. did many a things together. grew a lot in that time. a lot. but things only could get so far before i put on the parking brake. again and again. everyone from work and my family loved her. but for whatever reason i found it difficult to do things for her that i could do with other people. and that was not okay.

samananana pie. that secret lasted 48 hours. haha. lots of skype. but never a dull moment. long distance is hard. and not having a real place to hang out most of the time was quite tiring. only gf i thought was funnier than me. heh.

amber. i think that surprised everyone. at least the ones still around that can remember us from the first time. funny thing from then that is still true. she is only person that i have never had any grey feelings with. because everything was so intense.

ok. odds n ends.

mudrun. whooo that was fun. up until the fractured ribs part. too bad theyre not doing it again next year.

napa valley trip. amazing food. very pretty. too bad i was hungover the last day.

crashed my car. erm. i mean some bitch ran into me. that sucked.

my brother got married. pressure is on now. aaaaaaaand they're having a baby in a matter of months. but. me and him are so different.

jason and ericas wedding was this year too i think.

changed apartments. i love the new place.

bought an amazing coffee machine. changed my life. heh. i think that was this year.

got a hedgehog. that was a nice lil trip. and shes been a wonderful and amazingly cute pet.

new tattoo of a food chemical.

little road trips.

tried to buy a fucking house. that didnt work out. but. in the near future i shall try again.

did the mid state fair thing. that was swell. circle of death that night too maybe. no that was a different one.

my food got better.

fuck what else.

i guess thats the gist of everything. i dunno if thats a lot for a year or not but that was just the highlights. i guess you can throw lots of drinking and sitting around in there to fill out the rest of the year. i hope to continue to do a lot of the same next year and finish some things that i started. i have quite a few things on my check list left. big things.

and that concludes this blog. thank you for your time.

my body is tired. good good.

my tooth is still sore. oi. i hope it gets better before next thursday when i get my temp crown put on.

"work" was horrible today. mandatory meetings. 3.5 hours on communicating. and 3.5 hours on managing my emotions. lol. soooooooooooooo boring. and stupid. i am the most monotemperamental person ever. oi. so tomorrow is four more hours of some other bullshit. then the afternoon is bowling. which hopefully i can get out of. id rather work honestly lol. but we'll see what happens.

im takin luis w me to the jazz-kings game. should be interesting.

aaaaaaaaaand my trip to tx is booked. 11-14. hollar baller.

oi vay

330 to get my car fixed. plus rental all day. plus i go in for a filling and come out with a root canal. wtf. one of those days. my mouth hurts. my roll continues.

a christmas miracle

i decided i wanted to drive home tonight. wrong. fucking. decision.

so. its raining super hard the whole way. normally i drive 75 on highway 41. well tonight i was doing about 60. heh. anyway. my car kept jerking from little hydroplane action. so i try to follow the person in front of me and drive in their tread trail. eventually they leave and im in front. and i start swerving everywhere from hydroplaning. now im going like 50. my hands are shaking and im having a panic attack. thennnnn to make things worse. my check engine light comes on and all of a sudden my car pops out of fourth gear and into third and my automatic transmission light comes on. fuuuuck. i call my dad semi freakin out. i keep drivin and eventually the AT light goes off but the engine light stays on. i still hydroplane a few times. and make it home. shiiiiiiiiiiiiit. so tomorrow, or even monday my car is goin to the shop. my dad says i should sell it. i got 98k miles on it and still owe over nine grand. plans for tomorrow are fucked. but. gotta do what ya gotta do.

onto other things.

christmas. got some weird presents. my mom put together every school picture of me grades 1-12 in a frame. what am i supposed to do with that? thats like a gift i would give to her. they gave me weights. sweaters. a mattress topper. cook book i already have. lots of booze lol. a bean bag game that resembles corn hole. about 20 dish towels. 2 for each holiday. jesus. i got a thing that weighs my luggage from my aunt, which ill never use. ummm ninja turtle pjs. awesome. a mandolin. beer pong cups, also from my mom. knife sharpener (i get one EVERY year). my brother got me a belt with skulls and studs, lol. aaaaaaaaaaaand a gift certificate to a seafood restaurant in arroyo grande. my parents love that place. its ok. dont know when ill use that. also three starbucks giftcards and a jamba juice one. lets see. those were from a vendor, my uncle, maybe my parents for the third?. i dunno.

i was cranky all day today. my mom woke me up at 8. i think its been over 10 years since she purposely did that. maybe that was the reason. but fuck i had a scowl on my face all day. so josh and gabby came over to open presents. then judy and joe came over for dinner. lately since ive seen my brother and his prego wife i think, fuck im ready too. they make as much money as me and anyone else. renting. i got three big things to pay for. house, kids, marriage. now which order do i want to do it? we'll see.

the asian market is selling jellyfish for 18 dollars a lb. frozen. only one recipe i could find online using it. but i think i want to get some.

thats enough for now. this blog will be ending in less than a week.

hohoho

christmas eve with the fam was good. nice presents. argyle sweater. ninja turtle pjs. and foodie fight. heh.

watched christmas videos from 91 and 92. fuck everyone was young.

but all in all it was good. so now im sittin here drinking milk punch. listening to the neighbors blast their fiesta music or whatever it is. i may or may not get up tomorrow morning.

So far this morning I've yelled
"goddamnit"
"son of a bitch"
"where's the fucking tooth paste"

and I've broke my moms Christmas clock.

On a roll.

stay away

did not feel good when i woke up this morning. at all.

the end of this year has been one big crash and burn. hardcore. everything ive been trying to work towards. gone. everything.

sighs.

both of my projects got killed. tjs and costco. its quite disheartening.

dear lurker. yeah you on your android checkin out my shit at crazy hours of the morning. theres nothing for you here, anymore. k thanks.

i have two new years resolutions. first. id like some letters added to my name. ccs. certified culinary scientist. im gonna try to make that happen. and im also gonna try to get engaged. thats the plan. like it or not. i should add be a better person in there too. good luck with all that.

so im at my parents. my mom made milk punch. which is like half brandy and rum. dear god that shit is strong. the rest is milk or something. get fucked up on that and it'll be like throwing up christmas.

brought smudge w me. she was runnin on her wheel in the car. heh. the dog is very interested.

as bad as bad gets. aint that the fucking truth.

i have a new blog set up. whether i use it or not will remain to be seen. but. if you dont see any new shit on here. you know why.

i just wrote a long ass blog. and accidently deleted it. jesus christ.

And pours. And pours.

When it rains it pours.

you cant make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

sucks.

this isnt fun.

piecesofyouinme

made a turkey today. under the skin i stuffed it with - pureed bacon, craisins, and white truffle oil. only i would do such a thing. it came out ok. it was my first turkey. semi moist. not bad for a first attempt. i cut it up. all that good stuff. wasnt to into it when it came time.

check engine light came back on. then went back off.

had a horrific incident this morning. it is what it is.

food
weezy
fried eggs on toast

monumental decisions.

if im going to go the next, final, step... i need to change. drastically. somebody save me.

2010 recap coming soon. dear god. 2011 will be finality. thank god.

my body is tired and sore. but. working out just makes me feel good about myself, if nothing else.

work was super busy. im gonna need my own helper pretty soon. thats a funny thing to ask for. but. thats where things are. i should find out my raise next week.

no real plans for this weekend. cooking a turkey. grocery shopping.

prolly goin home next friday. come back here sunday.

bought tickets to the jazz kings game in february. excited already.

obsessed much?

good day. productive day. two cuttings went very well. met the new board member. real sharp guy. got another project to try and crank out in the next week or so. deadlines deadlines.

came home. cleaned. laundry. ran for 25 minutes and pushed the weights around for about an hour. i feel really good. happy today. and top chef is about to come on.

thats all.

i am not a human being

ive had an intolerable temper lately. like the last few weeks. no patience. i dunno.

nice boys finish last. this i know.

my parents might come over this weekend so they can go shopping. i guess they wanna stay the night or something. oh fuck.

tomorrow will be pretty boring i think.

i'd like to get my head back on straight. become grounded again. with less stress. no oatmeal. no icing. no cracks in my tortillas.

please and thank you.

Creeper.

getting back to normal.

took the day off. went christmas shopping.

tomorrow should be interesting at work.

i feel anxious for some reason.

kinda wanna go somewhere this weekend.

Conflict resolution

Grrrr. So there was some conflict at work today. Because I don't think that I just should do someone elses job just because "that's the way things have been." but. I like to complain and I'm stubborn and decided to out my foot down today. Drama. Drama. I drew a line in the sand. Well see who wins tomorrow.

"did not know who was fuckin with"

show me the money

been working out the past few days. makes me feel better about myself. the fucking treadmill is still broke. really? its dark when i get home so i can run in the evening. fucked is as fucked does.

more shitty news. my goddamn trip got cancelled. i was really looking forward to cincinnati. goddamn marriot on the river. found plenty of exciting places to eat. fucked.

good news. after this week my cost savings will add up to over $250,000. and thats just in a few weeks.thank you thank you. that pays my salary for a while. maybe i should get a fat raise this year. i still wont find out for a couple weeks though.

thats all. i got dishes to do now. thanks for your time.

wonder years

two good ass dinners the last couple nights.

went out to lunch today with the luis "im good" munguia family at elephant bar. he insisted on paying the bill. prolly a man thing. but. none the less. i owe him.

gonna get new tires monday. oil changed tomorrow.

theyre showing my wrap to smart n final as well. that would be neat. its slated for launch in costco in may. shhhh.

my crepe idea was rejected by marketing. i got a rejection email. haha. it was funny and kinda sad. ive never heard of that before. i think it was a lil too progressive for them. my feelings werent hurt too bad. russ said "when was the last time they had a good idea". really. my two products. MY idea. thank you.

not much else. livin the quiet life.

test did not go well. fucking packaging. ugh.

home for a lil while before my test tonight. im drained.

gonna take some time to decompress.

need new tires this weekend. thats all i got planned.

so this sucks. i feel horrible. really horrible. i know its necessary though.

im going to Cincinnati i guess. leave sunday the 13th. come back wednesday.

jesus.

whats the plan now? there isnt one.

eroneous

busy day. we made some adjustments to the poppers. my suggestions. everyone agree w me. that makes me feel good. little things.

almost got locked in my own bathroom this morning. the damn knob all of a sudden decided to be jammed. it took me five minutes to get out. otherwise i would have been locked in forever. i wonder how long it would take someone to find my dead body if i died in my apartment? morbid ass.

gonna be a late night thursday for my plant trial.

not sure whats goin on this weekend. luis "im good" munguia invited me +1 to his bday party this weekend. bbq or dinner. depends. i dunno what im doing yet. i want to go to the damn game friday.

i miss my friends back home. the ortegon +1 family. kristina. caitlin. everyone.

im hungry.

The ghost with the most

And if they want a war then tell those motherfucker bombs away.

The more friends I have on facebook, the more I have to watch my language :(

you think you know, but you have no idea

assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. that and hesitation.

lets talk about work. this is what i made today.


i think its pretty good for an early prototype. sneak preview today went well. official showing tomorrow. got some other showings and meetings this week. my plate is getting rather full again. two more sections worth of wraps to go out tomorrow as well.

i still. need to go running. fatty fat fat fat.

someone guessed that i was in my late 20's today. -_-

i guess thats all.

lesson for the day

in most grocery stores you have to pay to have your product on the shelf. this fee is called 'slotting'. now every once in a while other than the usual space you occupy, you get what is called a 'comac'. maybe its comag. anyway. this is what is on the end of the aisles. those displays, open freezers, etc. this increases sales hugely. neat thing is you don't pay for this extra space either for the extra couple weeks at a time that you have it. so usually because these arent planned until short notice production calendars have to change because this wasnt forecasted. all in all these are a good thing that makes a company extra money. thats all.

Try to do something nice. Only to have it shrugged off. Followed by bickering followed by being threatened to sleep on the couch. This early on is kind of unnerving not to mention a twisted form of Deja vu. Taste of my own medicane puts things in perspective.

So what's really important?
Love
sex
money
appreciation
trying
kindness
approval
not publicly knocking someone
not calling them stupid shit
enjoying the same things

so I'm back at work now. Ready to be back at work.

no villians. no monsters. no friends.

this walking dead show is sick. geezes. top chef this WEDNESDAY. godamnit who am i gonna share this excitement and understanding with.

today. watched football all day. made dinner. went and saw takers. which i really liked. and bought candy for gingerbread houses tomorrow. im gonna print out layouts tomorrow. so tomorrow night should be full of baking and stuff.

ive learned. theres no such thing as perfect. and theres no such thing as special. maybe i was wrong all along.

How the fuck do u upload phone pictures. Damnit.

little things

heres a neat lil trick. next time someone gets the hiccups, tell the person "i'll give you a dollar each time you still hiccup."..... and they stop. thats some crazy shit. happened to me last night.



macys has a hedgehog ring. i thought that was funny..

I like the idea of putting more photos in this motherfucker. All my good ones lately are from my camera tho. Hm.

hush little baby

i really really need to go running. too bad its raining. but it is on the agenda for tomorrow.

got my alignment fixed today. need to do my tires now.

lil christmas tree is up. with a lil paper angel on top. lol.

nothing too exciting. things are just.... good.

pocket aces.

funny how everything comes full circle. isnt it.

today was like this. kmart. sierra vista mall. target. fashion fair mall. wasabi off the hook. banana republic. we olive. whole foods. trader joes. fresh n easy. save mart. yes. four grocery stores in one day. thats insanity my friends.

i just made a pretty good dish. tuna that i got for 3 dollars from fresh n easy. sauteed in duck fat. mixed some sesame oil w red chili paste. throw in some black garlic. amazing. im happy w myself.

tomorrow. movies i think. lil more shopping. not sure what else.

pay no attention to my drunk meanderings.

thanksgiving was nice. drove all the way to atown for no reason. oops. woke up yesterday morning hungover. ugh. started cooking. took a break to throw up. then finished my chowder. it went over very well. my veggies were a lil over cooked. but it came out nice. got a late bday card. then cut my cuticle trying to open the envelope. heh. my aunt and my uncle asked where sara was. i kinda shrugged. my uncle called it a fatal attraction. im not even sure what that means. but i digress. i got to talk about my travels and lil smudge. hopefully christmas eve isnt cancelled. that was not a popular decision. my brother talked about baby names. still weird.

today. gonna go shopping. hopefully the crowds will have died down and theres still some decent stuff left in the stores. need to do some grocery shopping too. now that im going to be home for a while. yay.

time to get going.

smiles and cries

"you gotta control your smiles and cries. because thats all you have."

its hot in this house. ugh. i know im not gonna sleep.

got stood up by my best friend. im glad drinking is more important. ive seen her a couple times in the last 6 months or so. sad.

tuna on rye is quickly becoming my new favorite thing.

bleh.

tomorrow i cook chowder. and see fam.

my brainchild came out pretty well today. i was the only person who actually worked really in the department. but. this is how i make my place.

new nicki minaj. laaaame.

no fighting.

thats all.

I feel less stressed. Dentist went better than expected. But I will be back in a few weeks.

My test for wednesday cancelled. Tomorrow and Wednesday I finish odds and ends. Start working on new prototype.

Haven't seen my family in a while and extended fam since April. It'll be good to see them Thursday. I have lots to share.

Weddings. Rings. Teeth. Houses. Babies. Are all expensive. They really should be cheaper. Perhaps a cheap wedding and ridiculous honeymoon is the route to take. Hmm I mean. I don't even know what I'd make for people with a 50+ dollar a plate budget. Really. Lobster and filet? Fuckin salad with fancy ass cheeses and shaved truffles. Really.

tomorrows another day. But it looks to be the same.

hello would have been nice

i was cranky all day today.

ready to go back to work tomorrow. thats what i need to be focusing on.

i want to vacation here.

www.bacararesort.com

no sleep for the wicked

quite lil weekend.

wisconsin wore me out a lil. i couldnt even sleep in today though. ugh. i dunno why i have such a hard time with that anymore.

ive been sorta stressed. i think partly because my whole routine has been fucked for the last couple months. next week will be much of the same. busy 3 day work week. tests. cuttings. showings. gotta work on an idea for Sonic. and i gotta be at the dentist monday. my fucking filling fell out and swallowed in the middle of dinner wednesday night. i was freakin out but trying to look calm in front of everyone. oi.

i guess thats it. nothing too crazy.

what a fucking morning

i woke up this morning feeling good considering we got in after 230am this morning. my wonderful coworker comes down stairs and he's still very drunk. also, he has a huge cut on his hand thats bleeding and he has no idea how he did it. also, he took a nap in the lobby this morning as well. wtfffffffff were going to tour a plant of a potential business partner and his ass is beyond repair. the other woman comes down and realizes whats going on right away too.she doesnt know what to do. our boss comes down and im pretty sure he's oblivious cuz he doesnt say anything. or maybe just doesnt want to approach the subject. i try to give him bandaids. he doesnt want them. we try to eat breakfast for like an hour and decide to take his ass as is. i find it hard to believe that the people at the other company didnt notice this. but it went ok. im not sure what else to say about it. going to watch the dolphin game tonight. go fins.

stupid ass mother fucker

ugh.

i LOVE having to babysit someone 10 yrs older than me. in a bar. pay half his tab when he bought strangers drinkers and i had three beers and walked him out into the car cuz it was legally time to stop drinking. fuck.

btw. wisconsin is flat and noone has fences.

whatever.

happy for friday evening and this weekend.

<3

so. change of plans. im flying on a private jet tomorrow to WI. long story but it should be quite neat. this also changes my flight back. so ill get back early friday evening instead of late. which changes my plans for this weekend.

i need to pack.

lobster ravioli from tjs. mmmmmmmmmmm

skeet skeet

i used to be ballin, but now im bill gate'n

enjoying yourself?

so. overall im glad i went to the dinner. good people. i get horribly nervous when walking infront of everyone to get my check. like, borderline panic attack. which is weird because i dont think id be that frightened of speaking in front of the same people. not sure how that works. but. my bonus was about a third more than i thought id get. shwing.

happy birthday to me

did nothing pretty much today. it was still a good birthday.

not ready to go back to work tomorrow. but i have things i need to do before i leave for wisconsin wendesday.

tomorrow night is the annual dinner for work.

thats all i really have to say.

The saying goes

Never, marry a really pretty girl...

whats your true blood?

i made a choice. a long time ago.

im not going to throw stones, for now.

so today. picnic in the park. watched kids play lare or lair. whatever. battle each other. i couldnt help but laugh and be entertained the whole time.

went to the football game. yay first. lost. of course. fuck man. its a long frustrating story on just getting to this game. then it was freezing the whole time. should have worn the peacoat.

counted down to my birthday like it was fucking new years. i wonder who will, and who wont, tell me happy birthday tomorrow. whatever. doesnt really matter.

love > sex, money

2nd honeymoon

why the fuck am i up so early. not happy about it.

i started making my christmas list: mattress topper, office season 6, mandolin, and a new comcast remote. ill have to get that last one myself. fuck that thing.

just decided i want to go to the game tonight. it'll be my first. im gonna get tix now.

good decisions

so. back home. as of late last night. the trip was good. it was really neat to see DT and Sonic headquarters. definitely a good experience. four days worth of being on the road for about three hours of presentation time/work altogether. funny how that works. went to an nba game wednesday night. that was really awesome. 12th row or so. behind the basket. had those lil blow up sticks you wave to try and mess up the person shooting a free throw. so i got plenty of work to do for the next little while. the wrap is showing well now without the heat. even though i liked it better the first time. gonna try to get some buys locked in now. yay.

woke up quite happy this morning. took today off. i just need some home time. i love being here at my apartment. did some grocery shopping at trader joes. neatest thing i bought, dried and sweetened habiscus flowers. in the dried fruit section, go get some. anyway they kinda taste like craisins. but anyway. the checkout lady was telling me she puts them in a glass of champagne. and flowers kinda open like an octopus. not to mention all the fish i got. they got great deals on frozen fish. im sadly too excited about all this.

ive had lil wayne stuck in my head all week. i guess im gonna have to download that damn album now.

so. bday weekend. no real plans. first time in years im not having a party or anything. im alright with that. im very happy being at home this weekend. might go to the park tomorrow. we'll see what happens.

:)

the world is spinning right, again.

So excited to get home.

1000 days

Everything restarts tomorrow.

The world isn't ready.

Brace yourself.

creep much?

k. just got home. im tired. i gotta be back at the airport tomorrow morning. fuck i need to check when. shoulda just stayed in la for the night and flew out from there. but. i didnt make the travel arranglements.

it was interesting to the DT test kitchen. talk to their folks. it was a good experience.

had foie gras sushi tonight. fuck that place was good. i need to stop eating with that guy tho. theres a reason he's 250 lbs. im going to be too. never in my life have i met someone that encouraged me to eat so much. drink, yeah. all guys to do that. but geeze. its almost comical.

i think im taking friday off. might as well.

thats all.

in LA.
still not.
who i need to be.
same complaints.
im closed off.

theres this fat motherfucker whos loud as fuck in the room next to me.

tomorrow i get back to work.

i cant stop.
listening to.
so cold.
by three days grace.

fuck you for reading this and i didnt invite you. :)

nothing ever changes

plan for today.

tri tip sandwiches @ the meat market.

shopping at whole foods for an epic meal.

movies.

then epic meal.

seperate ways

that was a crazy night.

these words are like ink blots. what do you see.

i found out about this book today. it comes out in march. its a volume of 6. 2400 pages in all. a culinologist wet dream. im hoping i can expense it for work cuz its 500 dollars. its supposed to be the cook book of this century. must have it.

www.modernistcuisine.com

ive been cranky all day.

very excited for tomorrow though.

got my new costco samples out today. just barely made fed ex. i think i mightve taken too much jalapeno out. but. we'll see.

got to clean smudges cage now. ugh.

i miss her.

some like it hot

heard back from costco today. i guess this wrap has shown universally well. except for one region. but its unanimously too hot. so this week sometime i gotta pull some jalapenos out. make samples. and that should do the trick.

found out as i was leaving today that im going to la on monday. im gonna be gone alot the next couple weeks. monday leave to la. tuesday do presentation for del taco and come back that night. then leave wednesday morning for oklahoma. come back thursday. and i booked my trip today for Wisconsin wed-fri of the following week. plus busy weekends. heh.

went out tonight and had a good time. on a weekday? yes.

k i need to get shit ready for tomorrow and bed.

very nice how much

productive evening.

3.5 miles. little work out after that. that makes me feel good.

cleaned the shit outta everything. laundry. sheets. etc. got tiffanys recommendations done.

zombie show last night was bad ass i must say.

what else. oh! FINALLY heard back from the tj buyer. he liked truffle burrito. duh. so. i guess he needs to talk to a few people and will call back next tuesday. buuuut. sounds promising. course ive said that before. but. im excited.

got invited to go out tomorrow. we'll see.

couldnt fall asleep last night for shit.

do you know what happened to the guy who got everything he wanted?
he lived happily ever after.

good good

here we are.

home now. taquitos and cheese bread cooking. delicious. smudge is gettin ready to come out. ive missed her. she needs to go on a diet or something.

excited for the walking dead about to come on.

had a nice time in merced today.

tomorrow is massive amounts of sensory testing. prolly some laundry. and definitely running.

im so tired.

woke up hung the fuck over this morning. but also thinking that since it was 830 i was late for work. mind you im sleeping on a air mattress. i was quite out of it.

so then i hung out. went to the beach. and went to the drive in. now here i am. exhausted.

tomorrow im going home when i wake up. making sure the animals are alive. then off to merced.

time to sleep.

i purposely leave my words vague, dull, grey, but i can sharpen them... whenever i choose. whenever i please.

the office. Halloween episode... andy dressed as bill from true blood. i think im gonna invest in watching the first season. michael dressed as mcgruber, surprised i liked the movie when i watched it three weeks ago.. "hey he's from wrestling!.... he's from wrestling too!". i believe i was the only one excited to see that. what happened to the good ole office days. when i was excited to see each episode. still looking forward to sunday's The Walking Dead on AMC.

im considering walking into the boss' office and asking for a fat raise tomorrow. i earn my salary in cost savings as it is. but on the verge of launching products that will make the company millions. im underpaid for my degree. i was told today that if i wanted to i could head the company's future sensory department & still be able to create products. i doubt ill stick around that long but we'll see. i here seattle is nice. how i would just love to leave it all behind and go there. pine trees. rain. ocean. and all the seafood i can handle. granted, there's someone to go with me. would you.

live by passion.
not by law.

commiserate your name

i burnt my tongue twice today. it feels awkward now.

got my bags for this weekend.

wylie dufrense uses black garlic in his restaurant. that makes me happy.

got my review today. my only critique was that every now and then im too casual. which is true.

bday present didnt come. boo.

company coming hopefully next thursday. yay.

ohhh i gotta remember to put up the automatic feeder. the tank is cloudy since that lil bastard died. but i dont want to get another one. i wish someone would take these fuckers.

looks like im gonna be in wisconsin 17th-19th. ah.

far from the world of you and i
where oceans bleed into the sky

i guess thats all i feel like saying.

come resurrect your name

just got back from the halloween store. i guess were doing some spoof funny video on friday at work. fun time. my boss also encouraged us today to take days off without reporting them to HR. i love my job.

theres also a 50% chance ill be going to Wisconsin next month. I dunno when theyre planning on squeezing that one in.

my dear friend is moving back to merced. glad she got out of that horrible situation. how exciting.

not as fun as the next few weekends will be though.


















im not sure how easy that is to see.

i need to go exercise.

not a word

skype skype skype smudge skype skype skype

you stupid motherfucker (distractions)

im full. oi.

got back in the gym today. finallllyyyy. ran three miles. that felt good.

made burritos at work. picked out where i want to eat in oklahoma city for dinner. www.sushineko.com if youre curious.

little fish died yesterday day. sad.

basketball is back on. go jazz.

got to bottles of wine from one of the technicians. im sure theyll shitty but im gonna drink some and double check.

its quiet around here.

He was a heartbreaker.
She was a man eater.

lucy, you have some splaining to do

nothing exciting. figured out my goals for next year at work. sounds alot like what i did this year. bleh.

making dinner. dijon lamb. with wine reduction. i liked it the last time so hopefully it turns out ok. im using a 2 dollar bottle of wine. haha and i think my sauce is suffering from what i can tell so far.

bonfire birthday this weekend. should be fun.

my bank account is pretty bleh. im glad its bonus season. and birthday season.

not looking forward to cleaning this fish tank.

i have other things to do as well.

going to bed and waking up alone blows.

thats it.

poker face

slow weekend. didnt do a whole lot. beach. already said that though. saw paranormal activity 2. that was scary. i love scary movies, but i hate scary movies. shit. other than that just kind of hung around. nowhere to go, and nothing to do is sort of frustrating. but. things are moving along.

goodbyes are hard.

back to work tomorrow. i need to go to wal mart and grocery shopping. and clean the fish tank.

dolphins lost. that was bullshit. fuckin referees.

its good to be back. i like this apartment.

i guess thats it.

simmer down.

home.

work went ok. two out of three costco regions so far are interested in my product. which is much better than he was making it sound before. one or two more yes's and we launch. yes my rice is mushy, but thats all that can be hated on. its not too spicy. its delicious. funny thing is though. the region that said now. this one. West. I'll never see it in a store. haha.

tonight. splash cafe. walked on the beach. the moon was out in full force. so it was kinda light out. pretty. walked by a couple arguing... "i dont go from hoe to hoe. that aint me.".... classic.

found my peacoat i wanted. $225. thanks mum.

my mom is all into my brother having a kid. shes making food for gabby. "she needs to eat right" apparently. i asked if i knocked someone up if she would be as excited. she said no. i asked what if i married them while they were pregnant. still no. well so much for that plan.

not sure what the plan is for the rest of this weekend. seeing my dog tomorrow evening. gavin. thats a good name for a boy btw. madalyn for a girl. no more madison. shit is cliche now.

got my trip to oklahoma city rebooked. leave nov 10th. come back the 11th. fuck. but the marriot were stayin at is smack downtown. along the river. mickey mantles restaurant. directly across the street from the AAA baseball park. too bad its just one night. marriot points.

for the last time, bring out your dead.

cheers, to getting everything i want.

chill day.

did some burrito shopping this morning. went to visalia with thomas in the afternoon. first time ive seen him in a couple weeks so we had some catching up to do. best fucking quote ive heard in a long time came from him today, "me and my old girl. we used to get crazy with chocolate syrup. id put the stuff on her ass. it made a mess. but it was delicious.". jesus i was rolling. its funnier cuz he's fat.

i guess dick thomas died this morning. family friend. guy who i actually got my corolla from. cool dude. so i guess there should be a funeral soon. have to see when that is. ive only been to one. i hate them. a little less than i hate hospitals. bleh.

saw a trailer for this new show 'the walking dead'. comes out next week. zombie tv. im excited.

i guess thats it. gotta go pack my bags.

smudge is good. although shes been shedding a bit lately. but i think i have her trained on the pillow without a towel.

i cant stand top chef desserts. the food gets lost. they shop at albertsons instead of whole foods. lol. but im sooo excited about top chef all stars starting in... december?

i decided i wanted a peacoat for my birthday. ive tried them before. they dont work on me. im so scrawny to be wearing a huge coat. but. im determined to make this work.

today was standard. work. work. n stuff.

got a call from nick. im tryin to get another one of his resources in. cuz he's a stand up guy. probably the biggest gentleman ive ever met. i admire that. envy it really. so. he called about the product. ended up talking about the break up massacre instead. i think its the first time ive really talked about it out loud with someone since it happened. in depth at least. which is interesting really. i didnt mind telling him everything because he's not a sales guy to me. he's more of a friend that ive had some great times with. he was engaged to his wife for 8 years. thats crazy patience on her part. i pretty much told him i want to get married. kids. house. soon. but everytime i felt close i just push the person away. what do we make of that.

this afternoon i went into the lab. with the sole purpose of making something that tastes good. i did a chili lime sauce with a bit of red jalapeno seasoning in it. it was good. well see what happens with it tomorrow. doing that is like some kind of therapy for me. not that i need it. but i feel, like a rapper in the studio. funny as that sounds.

my dances with wolves

i dont know why... i just had this, urge... to go there...

"are you looking for anything particular? anniversary? birthday? proposal?"

"im not sure. it could be all of the above actually."

i strolled around. with a hundred thoughts running through my head all at once. leaving with a single one saying.... no. not yet.

"how am i still home before you?"

"i'm sorry. i -"

"it's fine. its fine. i already know. i dont need to hear it."

fuck. it was like a switch. my light is either on or off. its not hard to tell. i couldnt tell you what constantly triggered it. i wish i did. i wish i could have said "yes, im looking for...".

the truth is. i was scared.

einstein once said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

this love will be the end of me

i cant stop listening to that song.

so im trying to make white truffle mashed potatoes. but cant. find. my. peeler. how frustrating. skins on.

being self sufficient. laundry. dishes. yada yada yada

went running out at the lakes today. just a couple miles. didnt wanna be super sore tomorrow. ill do three then. it was good to get out there though. fresh air. fresh thoughts.

i felt like getting married today. for some reason. the whole thought just sounded extremely good. how scary and weird is that.

going back home this weekend.

and thats all i gotta say about that.

im incredibly bored.

we fell asleep holding hands.

otay.

i missed the office last week. like. just totally forgot it was on. wtf. got caught up last night.

it was a chill weekend. partied this house down. lots of television. some food. recreational activities. i think everything went well.

speaking of which. i think im going to play smushball november 6th in reedley. its a tournament. basically softball with a huge ball. you dont even use a glove. time to get out the eye black.

wrestling is coming on.

work has been slow. for me at least. fuck.

im going running tomorrow. whether its on the treadmill or at the lakes. i need to get back into that routine.

so much to say.

write these wrongs

so. ive been an asshole for a long time. longer than i care to remember. and i always said, this isnt me, this isnt who i was, this isnt who i want to be. and by the end i just, didnt like who i had turned into. so. thus begins change. no callousness. for the first time in a long time i feel good. inside and out. im happy. and i dont see that changing anytime soon.

work is work. got a few mini things going on. ive officially decided i never know whats going to launch until i see it on the shelf. no word from TJs yet.

going home this weekend. again. excited. again.

got my apartment back to what it was. pretty much. missing a few things but fuck it. got a new weekday routine. its doing it for me.

i guess thats really it. i thought i had more to say but i guess not. boo.

super starved.
super fed.

seeds of change

so its been a crazy week and a half.

got back from atlanta last night. didnt see much of the city but i liked what i saw. that trip wore my ass out. 8 hours on my feet per day cookin food. followed by dinners. followed by nights at the bar. and thats pretty much how it went. got a grab bag full o stuff. i love gummy candy. and marriot points haha. but yeah. good trip. me and luis finally got back on common ground after about a month of tension at work. next year nacs is in chicago. see ya there.

what else is goin on with work since im on the subject. my oatmeal got canceled or erm, delayed. after EVERYTHING was done for it. photoshoot. resources ordered. fuck. oh well. costco item isnt showing well. but TJ is interested in my truffle burrito. im dying to hear what they say about it. please god let something go in a fucking store. seriously. its time for the world to taste.

broke it off with the girl. thats a whole nother blog all together.

im home this weekend. home as in paso. havent been in fresno at all lately. i miss my apartment. i love that place. poor smudge. but. im having a very nice time here. prolly gonna take monday off as well.

my body rocks a rhythm. you beat my drum hard.

xoxo

fuck em if they cant take a joke

all moved. just gotta clean carpets tomorrow and such. love the new place. except for the ummm roach problem. but well take care of that real quick. its so much nicer here. fuckin pine trees. fuckin shade. everything. better. except closet space. but. definitely an upgrade. moving is a pain. im sore. but its worth it.

texas last weekend. again. ill be back in november/december to try to run the oatmeal. that should still be a go despite all its issues. that project is gonna give me ulcers. everything else there is fine. atlanta in a couple weeks. that should be an interesting trip.

thursday was fun. Tosh.O live. almost didnt get in. and a $120 lunch at Craft restaurant. owned by the judge of Top Chef. it was good. but i wasnt terribly impressed. is it crazy to think that my food is better than some of these top notch places. yeah. but at the same time i cant help but think some of my creations are on this level. i dunno. i just want good tastin food. all the time.

i guess thats about it.

bury your dead.
and all the things she said.
all the kings horses.
and all the kings men.
couldnt put baby back together again.

1000 days

gotta take a chance sometime

another month gone by. went to texas. be back next weekend.

it was a hell of a week. im working on launching three products. one before the year. one in january. and another one sometime in there too. right time of the year too. raise time. and atlanta first week of october. then ill be back in texas at the end of the year. and thats it for work.

good trip to monterey last weekend.

i think over the last three or four months my food has matured. i dont think ive matured at all though.

should be a relaxing weekend.

i need to start packing my shit. im leaving this place.

where did we leave off? fuck. over a month since the last blog? goddamn.

went to chicago. it was an interesting trip. nice city. fucking hot. fucking humid. fucking arguing. fucking amazing food. and thats that in a nut shell.

went home last weekend. went to the fair. had a nice time with the gang.

work has been consuming most of me. as of today, i have the potential to launch four products. trial by fire. we'll see how it goes. texas next thursday through saturday. i got 29,000 marriot points. bada bing. october is atlanta. hopefully its cooler by then.

im moving september 17th. cant wait. so over this place.

the hedgehog is well. such a good pet. on another note, gavin is sick. and wont be around much longer.

overall things are decent. im doing well at work. real well. busy. everything else. is ok. i hate fresno. its hot. but what can ya do. i wish i could run more. but its hot. and i have a blister on one foot. and a tightened muscle in the other. i would like a vacation. havent taken a single vacation day this year. one personal day. i dont even remember what that was for. im getting off topic.

i guess thats it. good bye.

900 days

its been a while...

im not sure why ive stopped blogging... i havent had the urge too... i think my outlet has kinda been food lately... ever since coming back from napa ive been cooking cooking cooking... i like to think well too... but who really knows...

two outta the last three work weeks ive been down in la... the first week i dont remember much... lol.. except game 7 down in the hotel bar... that was an experience... this last time... we were at bars every night... but sucked it up and was ready to go the following morning... i suppose part of it is the politics game... but... what else... should get feedback on my burrito sometime in the next couple weeks... my other product, thats been in finished prototype stages for 7 or 8 months now scored well... i guess the plan now is march launch.. we'll see though... its a painful complicated product... but...

ok bleh enough about food... im going apartment shopping tomorrow... have an idea where i wanna go... now i gotta see what the availability is... wont move until the beginning of august though... this month is gonna be hectic.. leaving for chicago for 6 days on the 16th... then home for a few.. then off to texas for probably 4 or 5.... somewhere in there i wanna try to go to the fair... we'll see...

not sure about next weekend... thinking about going home... but... i have a new baby here to think about... shes a wonderful little pet... low maintenance... very people friendly for her breed... i like her... that was a fun little trip...except for the end... sparks nevada is a shit hole...

anyway... i guess thats pretty much it... it very well maybe another month before i write again... i mean... 4 weeks and this is all i have to say?... whatever.....

wanna see my fangs?

"no, you think things are gonna get better? they're going to get a whole lot worse. think you've lost everything? you're about to lose much, much more. and when it's all over. and you need someone to hold onto. you won't see my arms wide open. you'll just see... fangs."

tell me
tell me why the soul must rot
tell me why my prayers were ignored, forgot

found some great food at whole foods today. that is where my interest had lied lately. food. morel mushrooms. truffles. hearts of palms. white asparagus. rhubarb. etc. etc. eat. eat.

ran food through a vmag today. came out good. im happy with the flavor. we'll see what others think. i think, this product brings simple, clean, fresh(ness), and heavy flavors. that would work well in something like sayyyyy, trader joes? we'll see. my name is on the pdr. its my baby now. i won it. let me take it home.

chicago in about a month. should be a good trip. the girl is going. will be coming along to most/all of our activities. the guys invite her along and make sure she can come. i guess that makes it like a vacation for us. sorta. i still need a real vacation though. i would like to go back to santa barbara. carpinteria. it used to be a regular thing for me. sighs. what ever happened to those days.

so tired of the M word. how the fuck does that keep coming up.

who are you?

i'm a cream sauce makin, pizza throwin, smoke and truffle infusin mothafucka, mothafucka. im a molecular gastrotonic, seafood lovin, chocolate makin pack of dynamite; bitch.

not bad, for a monday

slept in a bit

took a nice stroll on a club car.

previewed a lil something im showing tomorrow.

runnin a mini plant test for trader joes on friday.

think i got a good cost savings that could save the company hundreds of thousands.

loneliness ends tonight.

and thats all i gotta say about that.

i find it kinda funny.
i find it kinda sad.

why is my stuff gone.

release the kraken.

wanna see my fangs?

"wanna know something horrible?... we'd be out in public right, walkin around.. he'd go to hold my hand... and i'd see it coming... then i'd move mine... dig into my purse... scratch my arm... whatever, to move my hand away from his... so nobody would have to see me holding his hand..."

and i couldnt help but think.. what a horrible person you are... all the while, holding your hand.. in front of everyone...

well. i made it through the week. up early. out early. for the most part.

back in cooool paso now. had an awesome night with kristina and haley. a decent dinner at lombardis. then cruzed over to level 4. a bar. yes. my first real night drinkin at a bar. and it was damn fun. uh oh. played tarot in my car for an hour afterwards to sober up. good times.

next week. i dunno. got a showing. been quite slow lately. im not as established as i want to be. but. all in good time. until then. keep showing.

very carefully, look over your shoulder.

i missed cooler weather. cooler friends. cooler scenery. cooler... everything.

m piecesofyou e

the complaint department is now open

two and a half hours sleep last night. sucks. but. i made it through the day.

im starting a new blog. heh. a different kind. a food blog. just so i can document everything. and maybe if people stumble past it they'll stay.
www.foodthug4life.blogspot.com
we'll see how it goes.

goin home for the weekend. excited. im actually gonna see people this time.

gotta run my burrito for trader joes in a plant trial. thats a good sign.

thaaaaaaaats it.

please dont say anything about me

i never write anymore. why? im not sure. i just dont have that "craving" to. i think i ran out of things to say a long time ago. but. heres a little update.

chicago last week. i was sick. stayed in the hotel the entire time. delayed and missed flights. not a good trip. the one in july should be better. 6 days. good people. we'll see.

mud run was fun. aside from the rib injury that is still plaguing me. at least i have meds now.

the relationship has been better over the past couple weeks. well, better than it has been in quite a while i think. why? i dunno. im just going with it. not resisting. things can still be much much better. but. my soul still fights for air. i dunno. the M word comes up everywhere i go. no im not married. no, i dont have kids. no, im not sure im ready for one person one vagina for the rest of my life. no, im not sure im ready to give up that new car smell for the rest of my life.

exciting things coming up? i got nothing. come back and knock me down to my knees. please. i close my eyes. youre all that i can see.

college is like high school. dont feel like goin back to that scene.

ift dinner was a disappointment. food was laaaaaaaaame and some of the former students there are just well, stupid. be gary cooper.

gonna go in late tomorrow.

highlight of my day. sushi for lunch.

didnt get to work out. oh well.

i guess thats it.

not much to update.

made up a new prototype today. initial tastings are good. i was told today im the "innovative" person. maybe thats my niche.

never said the word bitch to someone before. i guess all good streaks gotta end.

no real plans for this weekend.

tomorrow night is IFT dinner. hopefully it doesnt go super late. i wanna work out when i get home.

feel the sparks of the friendly fire.

dead souls come calling. they keep calling me.

dances with wolves

lying on her bed...

"i've missed these,"... my hands crawled up her shirt.

i could never contain myself... when i was around her... every ounce of restraint in my body was nowhere to be found...

never again.
now go to tell your friends.
tell them how love really is.
can you laugh about it now.
down at the bottom.
how you cant dig yourself out.
i just like i told you.
i wont be anywhere to be found.

dances with wolves

".... what are you trying to say..."

"i'm saying, that i want to come home..."

i took a couple long, deep, gasps for air.

"no."

another weekend.

hung out. doin the family thing tomorrow.

quite tired of the marriage topic that keeps coming up with everyone. i dunno how its so hard for people to understand thats just not where im at right now. and thats it.

everything else. bleh.

be careful how you lick your wounds.
believe that change is comin around soon.

good day.

the pupil surpasses the teacher. no excuses. thank you.

muscles are sore. good.

the barely smoking is going ok. im snippy. ive stuck to three cigarettes a day all week. except for today. ill have four by the end of the day. holding it down over the weekend will be hard. but we'll see.

tomorrows friday. going home. again.

signed up for the mud run the day after im back from chicago. me and three guys from work. a 5 mile course. through mud. climbing ropes. fences. as a team. the whole way. im not too worried about my stanima compared to the other guys. gotta get back to runnin though. practice practice.

never stop growing.

works been work. getting my corporate card. exciting. chicago in a couple weeks.

going home this weekend. its mothers day. i guess that means i gotta be there.

i need to stop putting miles on my car.

dances with wolves

"You're not gonna like what im about to tell you........"

stay away.

i had two cigarettes yesterday. two and a half today. still coughing. maybe i have cancer. i think it would be a relief to all my physical and emotional suffering ive endured for so so long. heh. i am cranky though. deaaaaaaaaaaaal with it.

busy at work.

mothers day this weekend. fuck. i really dont wanna go home.

i spent alot of money this weekend. not spending any for a while. hey. i bet ill save some not buying so many cigarettes. i wonder if i can go a week only smoking three a day. thats the challenge. long drives are a challenge. i think as long as ive been driving ive pretty much been smoking. shit.

haircut today.

havent worked out very much at all lately. i gotta get back on that. whether it really helps or not. it makes me feel a little better about myself.

its been a while...

i guess i just havent had much to say lately... but heres whats going on...

undid everything from a couple weeks ago... i guess... i dunno...

had a productive week at work... i might be getting an intern technician for the summer... who would be one of my friends... but... hes a good guy... and wants to work... so i dont anticipate it being a problem... ran a test tuesday night... went well... showed a product for trader joes today to marketing.. they really liked it... so the sales guy who talks to trader joes is gonna be in next week to try it... he will also be trying one of the other developers burritos... whatever one he likes better will be gettin the shot... and most likely getting into circulation... so, me against the most accomplished developer in the company... a twenty year veteran vs a twenty five year old rookie... well see how this plays out.... im all booked to go to chicago next month... ill be there three weeks from today...

goin to napa this weekend... it will be a culinary journey... my tastebuds are excited...

got my car back...

and thats about it...

nothing is ever easy. shit. well the second half of my day didnt go as planned. and i turned in my paperwork to take friday off.

love the rain.

feel like writing. but cant get anything to flowwwww.

alright. dust has settled somewhat. i really didnt eat today. except for some calamari rings i just had. not bad.

good news. im gettin my car back wednesday or thursday.

bad news. tomorrow is gonna be long. sensory in the morning. gotta be there at seven. then after its over im gonna go home for a couple hours. then be back at like 7pm and be there til about 12ish. ugh. ill go in late on wednesday.

i guess thats about it. its quiet round here.

well this sucks. im not sure what to write. other than things are going to change drastically now. ill write more later when my head is on a little straighter.

it starts.

had plans for today. well. that didnt work.

want to do something tomorrow. we'll see if that happens.

i guess its time to go home again next weekend.

im in need of a electro shock.

ready? clear.

bring out your dead. here comes the, warheaaaaaaaaaad.

yes. again. sorry. here we are.

its not possible to have an archetype. when one is constantly changing. its like asking where one wave in the ocean ends, and another begins. its continuous. so. welcome to my new model.

"To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf. "

i'm spitting in the face of my past. nothing is sacred. nothing is special. to me, anymore.

with that said, lets play......

the following will be, my dances with wolves.