please dont say anything about me

i never write anymore. why? im not sure. i just dont have that "craving" to. i think i ran out of things to say a long time ago. but. heres a little update.

chicago last week. i was sick. stayed in the hotel the entire time. delayed and missed flights. not a good trip. the one in july should be better. 6 days. good people. we'll see.

mud run was fun. aside from the rib injury that is still plaguing me. at least i have meds now.

the relationship has been better over the past couple weeks. well, better than it has been in quite a while i think. why? i dunno. im just going with it. not resisting. things can still be much much better. but. my soul still fights for air. i dunno. the M word comes up everywhere i go. no im not married. no, i dont have kids. no, im not sure im ready for one person one vagina for the rest of my life. no, im not sure im ready to give up that new car smell for the rest of my life.

exciting things coming up? i got nothing. come back and knock me down to my knees. please. i close my eyes. youre all that i can see.

college is like high school. dont feel like goin back to that scene.

ift dinner was a disappointment. food was laaaaaaaaame and some of the former students there are just well, stupid. be gary cooper.

gonna go in late tomorrow.

highlight of my day. sushi for lunch.

didnt get to work out. oh well.

i guess thats it.

not much to update.

made up a new prototype today. initial tastings are good. i was told today im the "innovative" person. maybe thats my niche.

never said the word bitch to someone before. i guess all good streaks gotta end.

no real plans for this weekend.

tomorrow night is IFT dinner. hopefully it doesnt go super late. i wanna work out when i get home.

feel the sparks of the friendly fire.

dead souls come calling. they keep calling me.

dances with wolves

lying on her bed...

"i've missed these,"... my hands crawled up her shirt.

i could never contain myself... when i was around her... every ounce of restraint in my body was nowhere to be found...

never again.
now go to tell your friends.
tell them how love really is.
can you laugh about it now.
down at the bottom.
how you cant dig yourself out.
i just like i told you.
i wont be anywhere to be found.

dances with wolves

".... what are you trying to say..."

"i'm saying, that i want to come home..."

i took a couple long, deep, gasps for air.

"no."

another weekend.

hung out. doin the family thing tomorrow.

quite tired of the marriage topic that keeps coming up with everyone. i dunno how its so hard for people to understand thats just not where im at right now. and thats it.

everything else. bleh.

be careful how you lick your wounds.
believe that change is comin around soon.

good day.

the pupil surpasses the teacher. no excuses. thank you.

muscles are sore. good.

the barely smoking is going ok. im snippy. ive stuck to three cigarettes a day all week. except for today. ill have four by the end of the day. holding it down over the weekend will be hard. but we'll see.

tomorrows friday. going home. again.

signed up for the mud run the day after im back from chicago. me and three guys from work. a 5 mile course. through mud. climbing ropes. fences. as a team. the whole way. im not too worried about my stanima compared to the other guys. gotta get back to runnin though. practice practice.

never stop growing.

works been work. getting my corporate card. exciting. chicago in a couple weeks.

going home this weekend. its mothers day. i guess that means i gotta be there.

i need to stop putting miles on my car.

dances with wolves

"You're not gonna like what im about to tell you........"

stay away.

i had two cigarettes yesterday. two and a half today. still coughing. maybe i have cancer. i think it would be a relief to all my physical and emotional suffering ive endured for so so long. heh. i am cranky though. deaaaaaaaaaaaal with it.

busy at work.

mothers day this weekend. fuck. i really dont wanna go home.

i spent alot of money this weekend. not spending any for a while. hey. i bet ill save some not buying so many cigarettes. i wonder if i can go a week only smoking three a day. thats the challenge. long drives are a challenge. i think as long as ive been driving ive pretty much been smoking. shit.

haircut today.

havent worked out very much at all lately. i gotta get back on that. whether it really helps or not. it makes me feel a little better about myself.