good good

here we are.

home now. taquitos and cheese bread cooking. delicious. smudge is gettin ready to come out. ive missed her. she needs to go on a diet or something.

excited for the walking dead about to come on.

had a nice time in merced today.

tomorrow is massive amounts of sensory testing. prolly some laundry. and definitely running.

im so tired.

woke up hung the fuck over this morning. but also thinking that since it was 830 i was late for work. mind you im sleeping on a air mattress. i was quite out of it.

so then i hung out. went to the beach. and went to the drive in. now here i am. exhausted.

tomorrow im going home when i wake up. making sure the animals are alive. then off to merced.

time to sleep.

i purposely leave my words vague, dull, grey, but i can sharpen them... whenever i choose. whenever i please.

the office. Halloween episode... andy dressed as bill from true blood. i think im gonna invest in watching the first season. michael dressed as mcgruber, surprised i liked the movie when i watched it three weeks ago.. "hey he's from wrestling!.... he's from wrestling too!". i believe i was the only one excited to see that. what happened to the good ole office days. when i was excited to see each episode. still looking forward to sunday's The Walking Dead on AMC.

im considering walking into the boss' office and asking for a fat raise tomorrow. i earn my salary in cost savings as it is. but on the verge of launching products that will make the company millions. im underpaid for my degree. i was told today that if i wanted to i could head the company's future sensory department & still be able to create products. i doubt ill stick around that long but we'll see. i here seattle is nice. how i would just love to leave it all behind and go there. pine trees. rain. ocean. and all the seafood i can handle. granted, there's someone to go with me. would you.

live by passion.
not by law.

commiserate your name

i burnt my tongue twice today. it feels awkward now.

got my bags for this weekend.

wylie dufrense uses black garlic in his restaurant. that makes me happy.

got my review today. my only critique was that every now and then im too casual. which is true.

bday present didnt come. boo.

company coming hopefully next thursday. yay.

ohhh i gotta remember to put up the automatic feeder. the tank is cloudy since that lil bastard died. but i dont want to get another one. i wish someone would take these fuckers.

looks like im gonna be in wisconsin 17th-19th. ah.

far from the world of you and i
where oceans bleed into the sky

i guess thats all i feel like saying.

come resurrect your name

just got back from the halloween store. i guess were doing some spoof funny video on friday at work. fun time. my boss also encouraged us today to take days off without reporting them to HR. i love my job.

theres also a 50% chance ill be going to Wisconsin next month. I dunno when theyre planning on squeezing that one in.

my dear friend is moving back to merced. glad she got out of that horrible situation. how exciting.

not as fun as the next few weekends will be though.


















im not sure how easy that is to see.

i need to go exercise.

not a word

skype skype skype smudge skype skype skype

you stupid motherfucker (distractions)

im full. oi.

got back in the gym today. finallllyyyy. ran three miles. that felt good.

made burritos at work. picked out where i want to eat in oklahoma city for dinner. www.sushineko.com if youre curious.

little fish died yesterday day. sad.

basketball is back on. go jazz.

got to bottles of wine from one of the technicians. im sure theyll shitty but im gonna drink some and double check.

its quiet around here.

He was a heartbreaker.
She was a man eater.

lucy, you have some splaining to do

nothing exciting. figured out my goals for next year at work. sounds alot like what i did this year. bleh.

making dinner. dijon lamb. with wine reduction. i liked it the last time so hopefully it turns out ok. im using a 2 dollar bottle of wine. haha and i think my sauce is suffering from what i can tell so far.

bonfire birthday this weekend. should be fun.

my bank account is pretty bleh. im glad its bonus season. and birthday season.

not looking forward to cleaning this fish tank.

i have other things to do as well.

going to bed and waking up alone blows.

thats it.

poker face

slow weekend. didnt do a whole lot. beach. already said that though. saw paranormal activity 2. that was scary. i love scary movies, but i hate scary movies. shit. other than that just kind of hung around. nowhere to go, and nothing to do is sort of frustrating. but. things are moving along.

goodbyes are hard.

back to work tomorrow. i need to go to wal mart and grocery shopping. and clean the fish tank.

dolphins lost. that was bullshit. fuckin referees.

its good to be back. i like this apartment.

i guess thats it.

simmer down.

home.

work went ok. two out of three costco regions so far are interested in my product. which is much better than he was making it sound before. one or two more yes's and we launch. yes my rice is mushy, but thats all that can be hated on. its not too spicy. its delicious. funny thing is though. the region that said now. this one. West. I'll never see it in a store. haha.

tonight. splash cafe. walked on the beach. the moon was out in full force. so it was kinda light out. pretty. walked by a couple arguing... "i dont go from hoe to hoe. that aint me.".... classic.

found my peacoat i wanted. $225. thanks mum.

my mom is all into my brother having a kid. shes making food for gabby. "she needs to eat right" apparently. i asked if i knocked someone up if she would be as excited. she said no. i asked what if i married them while they were pregnant. still no. well so much for that plan.

not sure what the plan is for the rest of this weekend. seeing my dog tomorrow evening. gavin. thats a good name for a boy btw. madalyn for a girl. no more madison. shit is cliche now.

got my trip to oklahoma city rebooked. leave nov 10th. come back the 11th. fuck. but the marriot were stayin at is smack downtown. along the river. mickey mantles restaurant. directly across the street from the AAA baseball park. too bad its just one night. marriot points.

for the last time, bring out your dead.

cheers, to getting everything i want.

chill day.

did some burrito shopping this morning. went to visalia with thomas in the afternoon. first time ive seen him in a couple weeks so we had some catching up to do. best fucking quote ive heard in a long time came from him today, "me and my old girl. we used to get crazy with chocolate syrup. id put the stuff on her ass. it made a mess. but it was delicious.". jesus i was rolling. its funnier cuz he's fat.

i guess dick thomas died this morning. family friend. guy who i actually got my corolla from. cool dude. so i guess there should be a funeral soon. have to see when that is. ive only been to one. i hate them. a little less than i hate hospitals. bleh.

saw a trailer for this new show 'the walking dead'. comes out next week. zombie tv. im excited.

i guess thats it. gotta go pack my bags.

smudge is good. although shes been shedding a bit lately. but i think i have her trained on the pillow without a towel.

i cant stand top chef desserts. the food gets lost. they shop at albertsons instead of whole foods. lol. but im sooo excited about top chef all stars starting in... december?

i decided i wanted a peacoat for my birthday. ive tried them before. they dont work on me. im so scrawny to be wearing a huge coat. but. im determined to make this work.

today was standard. work. work. n stuff.

got a call from nick. im tryin to get another one of his resources in. cuz he's a stand up guy. probably the biggest gentleman ive ever met. i admire that. envy it really. so. he called about the product. ended up talking about the break up massacre instead. i think its the first time ive really talked about it out loud with someone since it happened. in depth at least. which is interesting really. i didnt mind telling him everything because he's not a sales guy to me. he's more of a friend that ive had some great times with. he was engaged to his wife for 8 years. thats crazy patience on her part. i pretty much told him i want to get married. kids. house. soon. but everytime i felt close i just push the person away. what do we make of that.

this afternoon i went into the lab. with the sole purpose of making something that tastes good. i did a chili lime sauce with a bit of red jalapeno seasoning in it. it was good. well see what happens with it tomorrow. doing that is like some kind of therapy for me. not that i need it. but i feel, like a rapper in the studio. funny as that sounds.

my dances with wolves

i dont know why... i just had this, urge... to go there...

"are you looking for anything particular? anniversary? birthday? proposal?"

"im not sure. it could be all of the above actually."

i strolled around. with a hundred thoughts running through my head all at once. leaving with a single one saying.... no. not yet.

"how am i still home before you?"

"i'm sorry. i -"

"it's fine. its fine. i already know. i dont need to hear it."

fuck. it was like a switch. my light is either on or off. its not hard to tell. i couldnt tell you what constantly triggered it. i wish i did. i wish i could have said "yes, im looking for...".

the truth is. i was scared.

einstein once said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

this love will be the end of me

i cant stop listening to that song.

so im trying to make white truffle mashed potatoes. but cant. find. my. peeler. how frustrating. skins on.

being self sufficient. laundry. dishes. yada yada yada

went running out at the lakes today. just a couple miles. didnt wanna be super sore tomorrow. ill do three then. it was good to get out there though. fresh air. fresh thoughts.

i felt like getting married today. for some reason. the whole thought just sounded extremely good. how scary and weird is that.

going back home this weekend.

and thats all i gotta say about that.

im incredibly bored.

we fell asleep holding hands.

otay.

i missed the office last week. like. just totally forgot it was on. wtf. got caught up last night.

it was a chill weekend. partied this house down. lots of television. some food. recreational activities. i think everything went well.

speaking of which. i think im going to play smushball november 6th in reedley. its a tournament. basically softball with a huge ball. you dont even use a glove. time to get out the eye black.

wrestling is coming on.

work has been slow. for me at least. fuck.

im going running tomorrow. whether its on the treadmill or at the lakes. i need to get back into that routine.

so much to say.

write these wrongs

so. ive been an asshole for a long time. longer than i care to remember. and i always said, this isnt me, this isnt who i was, this isnt who i want to be. and by the end i just, didnt like who i had turned into. so. thus begins change. no callousness. for the first time in a long time i feel good. inside and out. im happy. and i dont see that changing anytime soon.

work is work. got a few mini things going on. ive officially decided i never know whats going to launch until i see it on the shelf. no word from TJs yet.

going home this weekend. again. excited. again.

got my apartment back to what it was. pretty much. missing a few things but fuck it. got a new weekday routine. its doing it for me.

i guess thats really it. i thought i had more to say but i guess not. boo.

super starved.
super fed.

seeds of change

so its been a crazy week and a half.

got back from atlanta last night. didnt see much of the city but i liked what i saw. that trip wore my ass out. 8 hours on my feet per day cookin food. followed by dinners. followed by nights at the bar. and thats pretty much how it went. got a grab bag full o stuff. i love gummy candy. and marriot points haha. but yeah. good trip. me and luis finally got back on common ground after about a month of tension at work. next year nacs is in chicago. see ya there.

what else is goin on with work since im on the subject. my oatmeal got canceled or erm, delayed. after EVERYTHING was done for it. photoshoot. resources ordered. fuck. oh well. costco item isnt showing well. but TJ is interested in my truffle burrito. im dying to hear what they say about it. please god let something go in a fucking store. seriously. its time for the world to taste.

broke it off with the girl. thats a whole nother blog all together.

im home this weekend. home as in paso. havent been in fresno at all lately. i miss my apartment. i love that place. poor smudge. but. im having a very nice time here. prolly gonna take monday off as well.

my body rocks a rhythm. you beat my drum hard.

xoxo